Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us.
As a military child I have spent many a holiday not in my home.Often we stay at a grandparent's house in San Francisco or in Spokane. There was the Christmas break that we were moving, so my mom plugged a little Christmas tree into the cigarette lighter in the van, so we at least had a tree some where. Apparently a moving van showed up on Christmas eve one year. There was the year that Skeeter the cat was dying and held on long enough to make it through Christmas day.
Moral of the story, I'm used to Christmas being different every year. We have our traditions, and my mom has done fantastically well EVERY YEAR keeping the family together and happy. This year just feels like the weirdest yet....
1. My grandpa died this year. While it's really not that strange that he died (he hadn't been doing well for a while, and he was really quite old). It was just strange not having him around at our Christmas gathering. I think the weirder thing was leaving my Grandma's place. She was just there, alone, she gave us a little wave...and we left...I can't imagine what that would be like. Just alone. Sure, we'll see her again tomorrow, but she doesn't have anyone to wake up with and start the festivities off right away.
2. We're staying in a hotel this Christmas. Sure it's been done before, but it just feels especially wrong to be staying in a hotel, at Christmas, and in Spokane.
3. I didn't get Christmas PJs this year. Not that I really need them, but it's just one more example of how I'm growing up. I just feel awkward wearing old PJs tonight.
4. Lauren's not here. I saw her tonight, and I'll even be opening presents with her tomorrow morning. But we didn't decorate Christmas cookies together, we didn't hang ornaments on the tree and I won't be waking her up tomorrow so we can walk down the stairs in order for our mom to take our picture while we are "surprised" by the presents Santa brought.
5. I just don't feel like I saw enough Christmas movies this year. I need my Rudolph and Charlie Brown. I only have Ralphie, Buddy and Jack to comfort me this year.
6. My mom has cancer. It doesn't really change the Christmas spirit (minus the fact that she's EXTRA mushy this year). It's just weird seeing her frail. It's a state I'm hardly used to seeing in my grandparents, it's just weird dealing with it with my MOM. The idea of playing caretaker is haunting me. I'm so used to her taking care of me, it's difficult to remember that now she needs the support. Not to mention the fact that she absolutely hates having to get help for things that she would normally do herself.
Once again my whining ranting results in the theme of: I'm getting older, and I don't know how to cope with that fact. It just makes me feel awkward all over.
Also, what's up with the name Scut Farkus?
